I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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