stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He shit in the fireplace
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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