Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
