I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
