Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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