White coat. Heels.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize
