weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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