My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
