Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
