I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
