The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i came on her dog
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
