I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Randomize
