you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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