girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
