i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
