my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
