no you cant smoke seaweed
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
