Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
why is half of my head shaved?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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