She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
