my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
