That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
