nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
