I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
