Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
