At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
