I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
