There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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