just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Found the puke drawer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
