Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck me I smell like cheese
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
