somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
