drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
