Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
