Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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