After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
