The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
