I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
