Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
