Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
