quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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