Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
