I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
