So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
