woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
