omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
