going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
