Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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