1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
