Are we in a gay sports bar?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
