i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
