I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
