I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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