just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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