You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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