This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
