Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
