i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we're so committed to being not committed
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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