This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
