Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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