New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
