I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
